Friday, May 2, 2008

Define Define Define

I have an undergraduate degree in women's studies. I blame that for my need to define everything I say. I have a fear that people will judge me if I do not explain some words, but I think I am justified in judging others. It's just the way I roll.

So, to start off, reluctant. Common definition is unwillingness. My definition is a head down, feet stomping defiance. I am willing to be a homemaker. I am happy to do it. I just have an undying need to self sabotage all good things in my life. As a result, I am reluctant to succeed as a homemaker.

Now on to homemaker. Common definition is one who manages ones home, mainly as ones daily activity. I agree with that one. I am a manager of the home. A second rate, middle manager. I try. But, like I said, I tend to make things harder then they need to be. I have a masters degree in Public Administration, my current boss things I am capable enough to organize her tasks, but I can not seem to put my thinker around how to manage my own house. Hands down the easiest house to organize. I just need to make it hard.

I need to tell you that I signed up for this. I was made to have these beautiful daughters. I was made to spend the rest of my life with this man. I am grateful that I get to stay home and do this. But, damn, this is a lot harder then I thought.

1 comment:

Paige said...

Um, I think you need to cut yourself some slack, give yourself some credit. I really doubt most homemakers are "born knowing." Seems to me they have to stumble for a while, and that's even with just one kid. Or NO kids.

You're more amazing than you give yourself credit for.