New Years

Resolutions:

1. Run Team Ortho Marathon on May 31st.
2. Organize sew room, keep it that way
3. Start and finish laundry in one day
4. Enter in all spending in budget
5. Get together with more friends
6. Play more with daughters

Have a happy and safe New Years!

Gifts

Through out this year I have learned too much for my pretty big head. One thing I retained is the major pain in the ass it is to keep a home clean without making my family sick. I know my girls will need therapy someday, I just don't want it to be because they thought I was trying to poison them with the Swiffer Wet-Jet. So, I started making my own cleaners. Note, I make them. I have not perfected the whole using them thing. I am thinking oatmeal can crust on the floor for at least 5 days. Maybe 4 if a baby is coming over.
Anywhoo, I decided to make my own cleaners for friends and family this year. "B Clean". So original I could puke. It was a hit though! I am even making some for my mom to hand out at one of her 5,000 group parties. Free advertising. cha-ching. Who knows, this site may turn into a little shop for my cleaners (someone print this out. When I am the next Mrs. Meyers, I will totally sign it).
Then, my husband (I have read chat rooms and other blogs that refer to their husband as DH and their daughter as DD. Supposedly that means Dear Husband and Dear Daughter. I think that is so not ok.) gave me a sewing machine! CRACK! I am already a member of a sewing site, I am putting the finishing touches on my first shirt (patterns can suck it), and I am redoing what was going to be our next baby room into a sewing room (pass the birth control, momma needs to create some shit). It has been 3 days. Obsessed much? I will post some pictures and stuff someday.
So, to recap some shit, I make my daughters their food, I make my own cleaner, I drive a mini-van, I knit, I sew, I own 6,498 pairs of sweatpants and I am thinking about moving to the suburbs for the schools.
I am going to make a tattoo appointment tomorrow.

Holiday Recap

Mother nature can be a bitch. While I am grateful that she blessed be with a womb to carry my two girls, I actually think I could burn down a forest as revenge for the timing of my cycle. I seem to get it every holiday season. I am usually PMS-ing on Thanksgiving and Christmas making me a homicidal/suicidal fruit cake (no pun intended). If you know me, you know that is not pretty for anyone. I actually started taking a mild anti-depressant this year to combat the mood swings at that time, but I have a superiority complex and often think I know more then my doctor, my husband, my mother, my mentor, my best friends and those sad little eyes looking at me. So, I have a habit of forgetting to take it. And, a even worse habit of forgetting to take care of myself. BUT, this year was ok. I think it is because I knew it was coming, I prepared myself, and I was too goddamn busy to think of anything but kids and plans to get too crazy.
This year, Good Ole Motha Nature also blessed us with two kids with ear infections and respiratory viruses. Good times. Try sticking a nebulizer mask on Princess Ruby and getting your Christmas Presents wrapped. Poor little buggers just followed me around whining for three days before I pulled my head out of my ass to take them in. Bad Mom example #456.
After we got that, somewhat, under control, it turned out to be one of the best holidays ever. We spent time with family, we spent time alone, we got and gave everything we could have ever wanted. I can bitch a lot. I am okay with it. But I can also see the gifts I have. Not the sewing machine or the Kindle, or the running gear or the gift certificate to the spa (I can see those clearly too). But the gifts of this life I have been given. Damn its good. To see the love in my husbands eyes, to feel my daughters hug, to watch my family laugh, to see my in laws play...Nothing can top that. Nothing can bring it down either. It is perfect.
Next blog...my other gifts :)

Grateful for the learning curve

I hear this stuff is supposed to get better with time. Everyone says as the kids get older, it gets easier. Ok, so they are not even two yet, so maybe that easier time comes later. Cause, damn, its still pretty f'ing hard. There are only so many foods I can think of, only so many times I can read Corduroy, only so many songs I can sing, only so many times I can say no to the tv (only to give in five minutes later), only so many times I can sweep crushed up goldfish from the floor. Ok, I could go on. I think when I signed the "I can not wait to be a mom" contract, I thought nothing else in my life would change and I would just have this (turns out it is these) little creatures following me around. What, 1 year olds don't like watching CSI??!! What the hell? That must have been in the fine print. And who knew they required three meals a day and snacks every hour?? Who has time to think of that many food ideas?
Alright, enough whining. For now.
I have called my mom more now then ever before (and that was a lot), my Google search history has more toddler and home related searches then I thought possible, I ask people where they buy their kids shoes instead of adult shoes, and I have learned how to sign via my daughters via Baby Einstein.
I am grateful for the learning curve. I am grateful that my daughters do not wake up everyday and say "Now what?" (yet) and I am grateful that there is no rules. No one says I can not put on cartoons for 10 minutes while I make dinner, or an hour and a half while I get some work done. No one says a diet of pancakes, oranges, jelly sandwiches, graham crackers, milk, hot dogs and french fries is going to hurt my kids (ok, some say that, like doctors. But, come on, they are 1.5). Just when I think I am forever ruining my children by not creating some art project everyday to complete after a healthy omelet breakfast and before a veggie burger lunch, one looks at me and says "Mommy shake booty like crocodile?"
We are going to be just fine...

Minnesota Winter Doorway

This is heaven to me

My past 20 Minutes

• Chatting with hubby online, three kids pulling on my leg all the while (priorities)
• Changed three poopy diapers
• Fixed lunch for my girls and a separate on for my cousin's child because he will eat anything and my girls are picky biaches
• Had my girls in highchairs and Isaac on my lap, all eating good for about 35 seconds, then Ruby melts down, then Adriana.
• Put Isaac on floor to tend to my crabby ladies
• Both still freaking out, Isaac stealing food from their trays, laughing, Ruby screaming.
• Clean up girls, get nuks, put in bed.
• Finish feeding Isaac, give bottle, put in bed.
• All asleep in less then 2 minutes.
• E-mailed 250 people for work
• Drinking coffee and watching days with my tasty weight loss shake

The things we can get done when we know the couch will be ours for a few minutes.

PS

Best Party Appetizer:

Microwaved Beanless Chili and Velveeta served with Fretos

Timeless.

Holiday Cheer

Once again, I am trying. It is hard to get in the spirit of the holidays when I am getting crappy sleep and everyone else is crabby, but I try. Yesterday my mother's family had out annual Cookie Exchange. We think it has been going on for about 22 years. My mother has 15 siblings (3 of which have passed), so all our events are a Paarrty. But this event has always been very special. I know my Grandmother used to be a part of it, but since her death, my Grandfather comes in from Wisconsin and all the women of the family gather. Well, as many as we can fit in the house that is. Growing up I vaguely remember the event, but I do remember the cookies. My Mom would come home with 15 different cookies and various craft projects my aunts would make and hand out. We do not exchange gifts in that family, so this was the holiday gift. My brothers and I loved it! We each had our favorites and would divide the bounty accordingly.

As I got older, I started to look forward to the event more then the cookies. I consider myself a fairly strong woman, and being amongst the women in my family, I see the strength we carry together. I know any amount of strength I have came from them. All of them.

Through the years, my cousins grew, we went through our 'I-hate-my-family' stages, we had our own children and, unfortunately, some people have not come back and some have decided to stay away. While they are missed, the women that remain, an astounding number in of itself, are a motley crew of women. We have all ages (even some teenagers enjoy coming), different religious beliefs, different political affiliations, and everything in between. But we are family and family gathers. We laugh. A lot. We give each other crap, we support each other and most of all, we love each other.

So this year, I brought my daughters. I am so blessed to be able to have my daughters be a part of this group of women. We split rooms, 1st generation in one, 2nd generation in another and cookies were passed out with side splitting humor and more then one tear shed in remembrance of the graceful woman who brought us all together. The two rooms were full. I looked at the faces of the women who, I pray, will help keep this tradition alive and realized how very honored I am. Having my girls made me realize how much love one can feel. As I reflect on the day, I realize that it is these women that taught me that.

On a side note, my Mother was giving her Cookie Speech and had my 21 month old daughter in front of her. As she described the Socks she was giving out (yes, socks not cookies), she kicked her foot out and hit Adriana! she flew across the room! I have not laughed that hard in a LONG time!

All this being said, I am so happy that I went yesterday. It put me in the holiday spirit. Now I can finish putting up the lights, get a tree and actually wrap a gift! Okay, that may be too much, maybe I will start with just wishing you all a happy holiday season!

Why I love my Mini Van

1. I can drive fast, and people think I really need to get somewhere
2. I can drive fast, and people think I have a poopy child
3. I can rock out to nursery rhymes in public
4. I can pretend I am the hot nanny
5. 2 kids, wagon, double jogger, trip to Costco, diaper bag, purse, 4 cups of unfinished coffee, ridiculous amount of stuffed animals and my mom with elbow room to spare
6. I am a bad ass in disguise
7. I can open the side doors when I am by myself to put my purse in the back seat because I am too lazy to pull the door handle
8. People assume I have kids in the back when I go through the coffee drive-thru, even if I don't
9. I can say, "I can just put it in the van" when at Home Depot, instead of waiting for my father to come with his van.
10. I at least look responsible.

Top 10 Games We Play

10. Kick a whole in the wall by our crib
9. watch "butt cream" float in the toilet
8. Throw food on the floor and look impossibly cute saying "uh-oh mamma"
7. Push our sister then hug and kiss before mom can yell
6. Say "da-da" over and over then run away screaming when he comes home
5. Throw hard books at mom yelling "PEAS"
4. Think Ritz are cookies and cry when we do not get more
3. Dump Dominoes on floor, look at mom and say "pick up"
2. Up, Down, Up, Down, Up, Down, Up , Down
and 1. Put moms underwear on head and say "Howdy Grandpa"

That has been the past two days in our home. More fun games to follow I am sure.

Homemade Chicken Fingers

I am a wannabe homemade baby food mom. When the girls were going on to solids, I mixed all their food (thank the lord for our hand mixer). Once the girls got older, I plum ran out of ideas, patience, motivation, energy...I could go on. So I turned to the Internet and to cookbooks to find healthy, homemade toddler food. One word, lame. The Internet sites were way to peppy to be written by mothers of toddlers and often had complex meals. Like I said, no energy. The cookbooks were geared to a slightly older crowd, maybe school age kids. So, I began experimenting.
I have a vision of trapped chickens being injected with heroin every time try to find poultry, but I was able to locate some hormone-free, free-range ground chicken at Rainbow (of all places). So here is what I came up with. If you are anal and need exact measurements, you are in the wrong place.

1 pkg of ground chicken
1 8 oz jar of apple sauce (We like Musslimans Natural)
hand full of cooked baby carrots, mashed. (Costco sells them by the pallet)
1 egg, slightly whipped
breadcrumbs (I save the butts of the loaf of bread, pulse it in the food processor, bake on a cookie sheet for 30 minutes at 250 degrees, moving them around every few minutes to prevent burning. Then they can be stored in your fridge until you need them.)

Combine chicken, apple sauce, cooled carrots, egg and a handful of breadcrumbs. Really gooey. Kinda gross. Get over it, pull out a cup or so, form it into a thick patty, dip both sides in more breadcrumbs, place on cookie sheet. Cook at 350 for 20 minutes, flipping once.

Can be frozen. I have added broccoli and Spanish before, tastes great! My girls have loved them from age 1 till now!

A few Pre-Holiday Pics

Third Generation Feminist

I just got off the phone with a friend (one of those friends you say you are going to call, but never do, then she calls you and you realize you are friends) and we were having a "Oh-my-god-you-like-so-and-so" conversations that made its way into a discussion on 3rd Gen Feminists. It takes talent to make that conversation happen.
I remember sitting in my Feminist Studies classes saying that I wanted to be a working member of my community, but I was also very aware that if/when I would have kids, I wanted to stay home. I was shocked then at the comments slung at me, I was a traitor, not a real feminist, a sell out, the whole nine yards. Looking back, I realize that freaked me out. Big time. I was scared that I would have to choose. How could I do that?!
I got pregnant within the first year of our marriage and I was then in my last year of graduate school. I was thrilled to be pregnant, but, honestly, a bit sad. I assumed I would have to give up everything I had been working for in school and in my new big-girl job. I am not one to share my feelings, especially when it involves me being scared, so I just sort of pushed that fear down. As a result, I found myself pushing down any gumption to make a compromise. When we found out it was twins, I nearly forgot that I was good at anything professionally. But, then again, I forgot a lot of things then. Ask my husband how my cookies tasted during my pregnancy!
Bam, I am a stay at home mom and I am frustrated. I find a GREAT job working for a woman who is unnaturally accommodating for a work at home mom. After pushing down the idea that I can be successful professionally and personally simultaneously, I now realize I have not been willing to try my best because I assume my best at home would suffer.
Only now do I see that the only way for me to be successful at home is to be content in all areas of my life. I am sick of that little voice in the back of my head that says "don't try too hard, you might like it." I do like it.
Bam, I stay at home. I have talent. I can use my talent at home and professionally. I never thought I would agree with my 19-year-old self, but turns out I knew more then now. At least then I knew I had the strength to be a part of my life in all areas. I am just getting back to that idea now, 11 years later.
All that from a 10 minute phone call. It made me realize that this generation of woman who may or may not identify themselves as feminists for what ever reason, may have the same struggle I do. But it all comes down to choice. I can choose my path; at home, at work, or anywhere. I can choose who I vote for. I can choose to stay home. I can choose to go to work. I can even choose to do both! Lucky me! Thank you to all who let me choose. Sorry I got freaked out about it before. Hopefully I can embrace my talents in all areas and allow them to meet each other.

Ok, lets try this again. I just joined twitter, so I thought I would get going on this whole blogging thing a ma jig. So, we will see how long this lasts : )

Joys of Motherhood

My goodness, life is busy. Ok, maybe it is just a matter of perspective. After all, I am sitting here watching Young and the Restless writing in a blog. We have been blessed with some pretty good weather her lately and so we have been getting out a lot. The girls are not quite walking yet, so we go through about 3 pairs of paints a day from crawling through the dirt. Who knew I would love sitting on my stoop watching my two daughters crawl up and down the stairs. Who knew that the best part of my day is after breakfast when I collapse on the floor and the girls climb all over me. Who knew that when the girls go take a nap, I want them to wake up so we can play. I had no idea that I could feel this much joy from two little people.

Today is recovery day from this weekend. The girls stayed at their grandparents for two nights! It was torture. By Sunday morning, I wanted to fly to get them. We got a lot done without them roaming around, and I was even able to read more then a page of my book. It was good times by all. But with all the running around, we are in need of a good play at home day. So that is what we are doing. Here are some pictures to help you see why I am so in love with my girls...homemaking, that's a different story.

Budget Smudget

One of my self imposed duties as a homemaker is to make sure all the bills are paid. I have never hated anything in my life until now. I hate it. My husband would be happy to take it over, but, nnoooo, I need to prove some ridiculous point to myself. I do not even know what the point is yet, but I am sure it will be good.



Before I was married I had been a full time student and waitress or some other retail whore. So, it was paycheck to paycheck with very little bills. Now, we have a steady income and more bills then I care to admit. While we are very fortunate, and I should shut it, I have this idea that if I miss something I am going to lose everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Not just the income, or the service attached to the bill, but my husband, my daughters, our home, my sanity, everything. I honestly think that if I miss a cell phone bill, my family will disappear. My reaction, miss every cell phone bill. After all if I do not deal with it it is not real...right?

So, I have started on some self imposed therapy to heal my self imposed crazy brought on by my self imposed duty list. Me me me. My therapy is to do it. Pay bills on time. Sounds easy. We will see how it goes. Next therapy, stop biting my nails.

Define Define Define

I have an undergraduate degree in women's studies. I blame that for my need to define everything I say. I have a fear that people will judge me if I do not explain some words, but I think I am justified in judging others. It's just the way I roll.

So, to start off, reluctant. Common definition is unwillingness. My definition is a head down, feet stomping defiance. I am willing to be a homemaker. I am happy to do it. I just have an undying need to self sabotage all good things in my life. As a result, I am reluctant to succeed as a homemaker.

Now on to homemaker. Common definition is one who manages ones home, mainly as ones daily activity. I agree with that one. I am a manager of the home. A second rate, middle manager. I try. But, like I said, I tend to make things harder then they need to be. I have a masters degree in Public Administration, my current boss things I am capable enough to organize her tasks, but I can not seem to put my thinker around how to manage my own house. Hands down the easiest house to organize. I just need to make it hard.

I need to tell you that I signed up for this. I was made to have these beautiful daughters. I was made to spend the rest of my life with this man. I am grateful that I get to stay home and do this. But, damn, this is a lot harder then I thought.

Getting Started

Damn. I am blogging. I hate me. I would rather search other blogs, get frustrated when you do not answer my questions, judge everyone and live in my own private bubble. Instead, I start my own blog. Super.

The main reason I wanted to do this is because I have not found "the site." I want answers dammit! Like, how the hell do you keep your house clean? No, really? How do you fight the urge to sit in front of the TV all day? When do you plant tomatoes in Minnesota? What can you do to help your husband understand that you are always right? How do you manage other peoples lives without managing other peoples lives? How do you keep a budget when you hate a budget? Simple questions really. So I Googled "homemaker." I have nothing against Christian Mothers. I might even be one (just don't tell my husband). But, I do have something against people who say they are Christian Mothers. It's like some group that never invited me to play. I really don't want to play, but a conversation would be nice. Apparently, homemakers are Christian. Damn. Who knew. I should have put that on my resume to stay at home with my kids.

So, that being said, I could only find things that advocated a full day of cleaning every other day, between the food shopping, lawn work, social life and the whole watching the kids thing. I have two infants and I want to play. I also want a clean house. I also want to cook good healthy dinners. And I want to make my husband happy. And I want to have creative spaces for my daughters. Oh, and I want to want to work my 10-20 hours a week. Then there is the need to hang out with friends (like that ever happens) and our families. So, how do I that? Can I google this paragraph and find the answer. mmmm, probably not.

Here is it. This is my answer. I am going to get up tomorrow, do what I can, laugh as much as possible, and have faith (see, told ya) that what needs to get done, will.

I hereby declare this blog to be my journey. It is my hope that by telling you about it, you can help me and I can help me. So, here goes. I will keep you posted.